Thread: I need help AND hope!

Hey guys, im here for advice on my situation.

My ex gf is & 7 months pregnant to me, she told me 2 months ago, she only found out herself 2 weeks before that as she didnt have regular periods so therefore didnt know it herself.

We were together for 4 months until march when she finished with me, leaving me heartbroken cos i loved her.

Since she told me she about it she has been being all crazy telling me i wont be involved unless i change & get a job & new place etc (which i am working on), which i understood & bit my tounge whenever she gave me shit cos i know about hormones etc.

I have been really nice to her, sent flowers to work to apologize for asking her was she seeing anyone whilst carrying our son, to which she replied "i can f*** who i want when i want", & i have been so reasonable & patient with her.

She refuses to meet with me to talk & is hiding behind her mobile & told me countless times to stop calling & texting, i havnt been giving her a hard time, but she is having our son in two months & i think we should be communicating!!!!

We have had one conversation on the phone for an hour over a month ago, she told me she would meet me the next night, but didnt, then started telling me to leave her alone again.

I promised i wouldnt drink till i found a job etc, & i didnt for a month, but one night i did & got in a fight which she found out about (which whoever told her exagerated that i was on drugs,i havnt took drugs in over a year cos im clean,she knows this) but she told me that i wont be involved in his life cos i lied to her.....its almost funny cos she was drinking flat out before she discovered the pregnancy.

I called her last week & she told me that when he is born she will let me see him once a week, to which i said "good but are we just supposed to not talk to each other for 2 months now?" she said yes & we had a fall out again on the phone, she said "i hope he is not even yours", i told her to fuck off & she hung up.

The dates add up, he is mine.

I text her the other day & asked her to reconsider meeting with me, cos when he is born we will not have seen each other for around 6 months, & then when we do she will have a baby with her, i said it doesnt have to be all serious we will just have a coffee & a laugh & it will remove a bit of pressure of anticipation off us....she replied "what part of stop txtn me dont u get sean?"

I have 6 nephews & nieces so im ready for a kid no problem, but she is making ot REALLY hard for me to get exited about it

Meanwhile she is going about her business, obviously talking to her friends & family & planning stuff & whatever, painting me to be some kind of bastard when im not

Another thing is, if she would meet with me, NONE of this would be going on cos when we are together we get on so good



I just want whats best for her & my son, but surely she should be at least talking to me?

Will things change when he is born?

Does a mother see the father in a different way when the child is born?

Will she come to her senses & realise she was being a bitch & finally reason with me?

Should i just leave her alone & wait?




I would really appreciate some input on what to do, as well as anything else you wanna say to me.

Its gotten worse.

She is now back with one of her other ex boyfriends. He was always sniffing around & he was always going to be an issue cos no matter what she did or who she was with, he always was trying to control her....he even used to hit her when they were together & not allow her out to see frinds or anything. Its highly likely that he wants to play daddy to MY son.

I sent a letter to her, & one to my unborn son. She never even aknowledged that she recieved them. Then i seen her & this ex together the other night, i approached them in his car & was looking to talk to her, i asked her what was going on, but she told me to f*** off, closed the door & gave me the finger before they drove off.

I then text & told her that it makes sense now why she wont talk to me, that she is obviously back with him & what the arrangements were going to be for me to see my child. She phoned me & told me that she has already said i would see him once a week & that its none of my business who she see's & that her family agrees with it. She also said that the letters i sent were "stalky" & that her family also agreed with this. The letters were not nasty in any way, i simply told her how i felt about the whole thing & that i dont understand how she cannot communicate with me. The letter to my son was actually beautiful.

She told me that she will let me know when he is born & that i wont be at the birth or allowed to visit the hospital.

She really is a horrible person & i hate her.

You need to keep record of all of these text messages you are sending her and especially the ones you get back from her. Get a copy of your texts through your phone company. Also keep a date book and take notes on the days that you have tried to make arrangments to speak with her about your son etc... but do not over do it. Make sure you are not harrassing her. Here is the thing. Until she has the baby there is not much you can do. Unfortunatly it is not required of her to speak with you or have anything to do with you for that matter. Is it morally wrong that she will not let you be involved in the pregnancy, yes ofcourse and very immature! When your child is born however you do have rights as the father. One day a week is not alot. Chances are though, if shes being this bad now just about discussing the baby and pregnancy, shes going to be even worse when the baby gets here. Your one day may turn into 0. Take all of your records and notes to a lawyer, because if you are the father then you deserve to be in his life. There are so many dead beat dads out there and I'm sure those single mothers would give anything to have a man as concerned and interested as you are in her pregnancy. Thats really the only advice I can give ya. Just stay strong.. and remember you do have rights when your baby arrives!

Hmm, this is a tough one. She sounds very in need of support. Whats her support base like? She may have some doubts about the father(sorry). Just keep your distance from her but record all communication as you may need to prove this to a lawyer later on if she tries to refuse you any contact. She sounds very young and immature as she is not handling it at all well. an unplanned pregnancy is a huge thing to deal with for both sides, but at the end of the day she is the one who is carrying your son just be supportive as your son will need you sooner than you think. Keep all her texts and yours for future reference. I am sorry you are having such a difficult time, keep living a responsible healthy life as all this will be taken into consideration if it gets messy down the track.

Geez -- what did you ever see in this woman? Sounds like you're better off moving on.